Mixed Feelings


It's been a while since I wrote something about myself here (but wait a sec... have I ever written about anything else but myself? Ha!). Anyway... a lot of things have been happening... so many it feels weird to try to get back to writing (or typing in this case) here. But I'll try my best.

Alright, the last update you probably read about me was about the contract, right? I decided to stay working for EF for another year, with conditions. If you haven't read it, scroll down and read it so I don't waste a space here. :P

BUT... I seem to be changing my mind again due to the recent incident.

I got someone visiting me last weekend. Oh wait, to avoid confusion, let's start with a prehistoric story that happened 2 months ago when I was still off traveling in May.

So I met Stephen on a minibus that took us to the airport in Bangkok. I was going to Chiang Mai and he to Myanmar. During the 45-minute journey on that vehicle, I found him such a great person to talk to. Great sense of humour, great intelligence, great look (ha! yes, I didn't escape this fact, though I should hate it if he reads this post and gets all big-headed about it). Anyway, at that time, I wished I had met him earlier for I found Bangkok such a depressing place to stay for the whole 7 days I was there. But 45 minutes was still something to be grateful of, coz we exchanged email addresses and never stopped updating each other (with a lack of speed on his side, but that was not a problem at all).

Well a couple of weeks ago, he sent me an email telling me that he'd like to spend his birthday here in Tegal with me. I wanted to bang his head on the wall and slap his face (all tenderly, of course) to get him to realise that Tegal was not a place to celebrate birthdays (I never even spent my birthday here --> always escaped somewhere else, as well as next month, hehe) with its lack on beers, pubs and other entertainments. But since I couldn't do that via email, I had to be happy to provide him with just a brief explanation of Tegal negativities, hoping that he still wouldn't change his mind to come here (all selfish from my side, yes).

My wish came true. ;)

So Friday evening (last week) he came. I picked him up at the train station and brought him to my place. We didn't sleep that night, busy catching up with all the cool stories he and I had. I introduced him to Ernie and Ayu (Ernie stole his first birthday wish! grrr!) and we partied with 4 bottles of beer he brought from Jakarta. Beer in Tegal! Finally! Yay!

To make it short (which never is), we had such a great time. We played pool (he won, 3-2, he used 1 arm), Daytona car race (I won, twice!), card games (mostly he won), swimming race (he won, of course), did I miss something? A lot, I guess. But I really don’t want to give you the satisfaction of laughing at my losses.

Anyway… I like him (very much after having him stay here for almost a week). I think he likes me, too (who doesn’t? haha!) and we’re going to see each other again in Bali in August. Hooray!

BUT, let’s get back to the point of the discussion. We had a problem when he stayed at my place. I was called by the Centre Manager, Mba Minda, that he couldn’t stay another night, and he had to leave that very evening. It confused me at first for there used to be some people (guests of the residents here) who stayed over at our place, and there was never a problem. Well, if she said that it couldn’t be accepted culturally because Stephen is a man and me a woman, I might be able to accept it more easily. But the thing is… she mentioned that no other guests that had no blood relationship could be accepted to stay or even visit our rooms; be it a man or a woman… which again, a very inconsistent statement coming from her, unless you consider her maid who stays over a couple times a week has a kinship with her!
She said that we couldn’t trust any outsider to stay over for EF had so many valuable stuffs and important documents and we didn’t want our place to be spied (makes sense). But then… Is her maid exceptional or what? Don’t get me wrong, I am OK with her maid, it’s just so unfair for her to say those things while she gets to get whatever she wants to do!

So what about Rina? She planned to come to visit me on August 11th after A big persuasion from me. Does she have to stay in a hotel, too?!?!
Give us a break….
Now, it’s not that cheap to travel to Tegal from Surabaya (likewise for Stephen to travel all the way from Jakarta) and she has to stay in a hotel?! That’s ridiculous!

Minda said that this was a message from Ibu a long time ago, and she just “forgot” to tell everyone else about it. Well, if it were indeed the rule here, I wouldn’t even want to live here in the very first place! Does she think it is FUN to live at the same building as your office is? I mean come on… all the feelings you’ve got from thinking that your office is just 2 floors away! And does she think it is GREAT to handle the classes whose teacher is suddenly sick or needs to be somewhere else more important? Who else can they ask for a help to cover an abandoned class but the teachers who live in the same building???

I found it very irritating to know about this very late like this. I never liked living at EF, despite all the facilities. They may be able to buy me to live in Tegal a little bit longer with a nice salary raise. But when it concerns my precious social life, no amount of money could make me stay when I know that it only makes me depressed!

95% not gonna sign the contract! I’m glad I haven’t signed it yet!


  1. What a bitch...do you plane for a surprise killing spree dedicated to your landlord or something ? You seem to live in a very odd place, girly ^^'...

    (Did I mention I feel soooo jealous ? ^___^)

  2. Francois!!! Long time no see! How's life treating you? I'm sorry I can't get online on MSN too much, but I was online the other day. Talked to Johann. He said you started working now? Cool thing. Oh talking about jealousy. He's also jealous at you! :P

    Well I'm not very comfortable living here, yes. But this is the typical community here. Can't do much but feeling so trapped!

  3. Lho La, I thought the contract said that there's possibility of transfer to Jakarta??

    I mean, I DEFINITELY know how it feels to be trapped in such village, and believe me, I also know the cultural values and the complication...

    But if you can't handle it anymore, then let it go, La.
    Sometimes money can't buy happiness and satisfaction :-)

    So, to the more important topic:
    What's going on between you and this Stephen guy?
    Is he an Indonesian or a bule? (His name doesn't sound Indonesian)
    Going somewhere this time? :-D

  4. Hi Sheila! Well, yes... But Jakarta is not going to happen until January and I still have to put up with Tegal a while longer if I decide to stay. But again, Jakarta is never my favourite city to live in.. I just thought it was alright to get a change. But it is not about Tegal, Jakarta or any other places anymore. It's about the people I work with. One specific person in this case. :P But yes, as you said.. I'm letting it go. I'd rather pursue my happiness somewhere else. Bali, for instance. Ha!

    Now, to the more important topic.. I'm afraid to say too much about what's going on between me and Stephen (and yes, you're right, he's not an Indonesian. English). I don't quite know if it is going somewhere.. I mean.. he's a traveller, and I actually always have this idea to never fall for a traveller cause they canNOT stay (or if they're willing to work on something). I just know that I absolutely enjoyed his presence when he was with me, I laughed with him, I had so much fun with him and that was all it mattered. At least for the time being. I'd like to spend as much time with him, if possible.. and I'll try to get the best of it. He was too fucking sweet to resist! Hehehe..

    Oh well.. It's too early to conclude or decide anything at the moment. It was just our second meeting, and though I think he felt the same way I did, I can't see the future, especially when I'm one of the main characters.