I was just fired 10 minutes ago. Just like some other 15 workmates.

The company is falling down, and they cannot afford paying us any longer.

I'm okay actually.. pretty happy cause I'm getting some good amount of money at a time, but dammit, if I knew this I wouldn't let go my school teaching job last July!

I'll be fine, though..

But I'm not gonna be blogging or online for quite a while.

For those who stay in this office, I love you all, guys.
One of the things that triggers a War... *sigh*

Pompous Republican Rant, posted by Piotr. This guy found this article in his school newspaper. He was pretty pissed with what was written below, for he's quite a multicultural person himself, a Poland who lived in Indonesia his whole life, before moving to the States to pursue a degree there.

America is 'the best country in the world'

Now I know this next statement will offend most of you - I tend to have the amazing ability to do that - so feel free to e-mail me for a hug and a box of tissues or just general emotional support after you read this.

America is the greatest country the world has ever seen.

I love America, and contrary to popular belief, most people around the world love America too. Oh wait - they just love the money we dole out to them in economic aid. Now I remember.

America is the most giving country in the world. Though I was once taught that we do not give out as much per capita as some countries - I still fail to see how that matters - we give out the most money to struggling and developing countries, even the ones that hate us. How much does Iran give in aid (other than money aimed to assist in killing Americans and Israelis)?

We love our rights and freedoms so much that we think everyone in the world deserves them. It is not ethnocentric to think that people should be able to have a say in their government and how it is run. Americans are not forcing our culture down people's throats when we request that countries such as China put a greater emphasis on human rihts.

Spreading democracy around the world is an incredibly admirable thing because no one wants to live in a poverty-ridden, dictator-driven state. Plus, democracies do not fight one another so all you peace signing, tie-dyed wearing indiviudals should be thrilled with the prevention of war in the future.

We have around 11 million illegal aliens in the United States right now. People are dying to come across our borders, both legally and illegally. I wonder how many illegal aliens are in "worker's paradise" of Cuba or even North Korea, but I would conservatively estimate that number to be about zero.

In the words of Ann Coulter, "If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?"

Look at how many students from around the world come to America for higher education: Obviously we are doingn something right. Some of the greatest minds come here to advance themselves and take the knowledge they learn back to their countries to make them better. Students leave with a greater respect for America and our values than they might have had if they simply let the biases of some of their fellow countrymen and women influence them.

We are one of the few countries in the world left still willing to live up to the principles we were founded on, and, yes, they were Judeo-Christian values.

If you hate the incorporation of G-d in the Pledge of Allegiance and the phrase "In G-d we trust," you can move somewhere else. Freedom and equality are promoted without our economy and employment rate unduly suffering.

Sure America has some problems, but I honestly cannot think of another place in the world I would rather live. I like knowing that if I need surgery sometime I am not going to have to deal with all the messes that socialized health care entails, I guess that is one way to deal with overpopulation. I can practice or not practice religion as I deem fit, unless, of course, the ACLU continues on its anti-Christianity craze.

Most importantly, America is the best country in the world because once again we have a president who is willing to make tough choices to protect us and all America stands for: If you mess with us, we will mess you up.

I am proud to be an American. Are you?


I hate politics. Yet, that may not be true. Proven by so many times political things like this draws my deep attention, plays with my emotions, and in the end I always end up thinking: "These stupid people. It will never end, will it?"

Go on screwing and offensing other people's unique traditions and values and this world will never be in peace. Why do such things always emerge among us? Why can't we just be proud of ourselves and our country WITHOUT hurting the other people's feelings? Can't you differ a nationalist and a chauvinist?

Ms. Mayberry, the writer of the article above must be a pretty intelligent university student.. you can see it in the way she wrote it cleverly. Too bad the brain is not really supported with a good heart, which in this case and in most of worldly cases, is the most important.

Persuading your people to love your country is good, but how you do it is also essential. Will it make your readers, who could be just anyone in the world, love your country more, or will it make them look down on you and pity you for your narrow-mindedness? Do you mean being nationalist to create a good unity among the people in the same country or even another dispute which can lead to another war, another hatred and another gazillion victims???

Think first of the aftereffects of your words may cause, my friends. Or maybe that's what you enjoy the most? Maybe your life is so lame and boring that you feel you need to spicen it up with another nasty arguments that can result to chaos?



Read Piotr's response on the above article that he sent to his campus' newspaper here.
I can add a thousand more reasons to back him up, but I'm so tired to be involved in this never-ending case. I see so many examples here in Indonesia myself (oh yes, chauvinists are everywhere), so I won't start being a hypocrite to defend my country, as well as the other "poor" countries on earth.


Last Sunday... at my house.

Jun: I went to Musa's wedding with Jubhek and his friend last night.
Me: Yeah? How was it going?
Jun: Great. I think we knocked them out (the bride and the groom). *giggle*
Me: How?
Jun: I stuck around with Jubhek the whole session and I think Musa saw us. When we came to the stage to give them a handshake, Musa didn't even want to look at Jubhek's face. He was obviously jealous, eh?
Me: What are you talking about? Musa knows Jubhek.
Jun: Yeah, but I told you Jubhek changed so much. He's soooooo handsome, Carla. I was shocked myself when I first saw him again after 5 years. Musa didn't realise it was him, our old friend. He thought he was my "boyfriend". *wink*
Me: Hehe.. That's cool. Looked like your plan worked.
Jun: Yep. I'm calmer now. But guess what?
Me: What?
Jun: Jubhek accidentaly said that he hadn't had any girlfriend for 7 years.
Me: Oh?
Jun: Yeah.
Me: Ok...
Jun: ...
Me: ...
Jun: ...
7 years?!?! That means I was his last girlfriend?!?!
Jun: That's it.
Me: Shit.
Jun: Yeah..

Watching: Extravaganza (The best Indonesian TV-show, you must agree with me!)
Playing: The Settlers IV

I'm at home! This is the first Saturday that I could spend most of my time at home, after a while.

Whew... I should say I quite enjoyed it. There had been so many things to do lately. Photo hunting, ears-lending for my bestfriend's marriage problem, film shooting (oh yeah, my daily life was documented by The Netherlands embassy last week. It was quite a chaos cause of my lacking Dutch-speaking ability; but it's over now, thank God!).

SO, I spent my morning working on some wallpapers of Tori Amos. Urghhh.. Yeah, I know... Doesn't sound like an ideal free relaxing Saturday. But I have not been quite productive at work lately. Not sure why, but I'm really de-motivated to create wallpapers. It was not as fun as it used to be. I guess it's people's general problem to naturally be sick of things called "responsibility", or I'll just say it's my own specific problem. Whatever..

However, this morning was quite different. I really really ENJOYED making my wallpapers. Missed the old feeling of being creative in graphics, but I'm glad. It was quite a miracle.. cause I could make 5 wallpapers in an hour, while at work, I'm already thankful and proud of myself when I manage to make 5 in 4 hours. :P

My mood was going up and down this afternoon, though. At one point I was extremely happy, but not long after I got really pissed. PMS, I think, and special circumstances annoyed me a bit at that time. Now, 4 hours later, I'm calming down and I'm starting to regret my lousy impulsive act. *sob* A bit typical me. I should put it in my "self-improvement" list later.

I dressed Michelle in one of her party dress and took her to the terrace of my house. I decided to spend my afternoon taking her pictures. I formerly thought of doing some self shots, but I realised that it would take much longer time since I'd need to dress up (or not) and put some make up on my face. So Michelle as a model sounded like a better and more practical idea.
I brought along my black paper and stuck it on the wall with a cellulotive tape. While underneath I placed a big cushion for Michelle to sit on.

It's been a while since I took her last pictures, so she was EXTREMELY happy when I showed her my camera. She made funny faces everytime I half-pressed the shutter button and what incredible expressive photos I've made of her!!! They're not so many. You know how hard it is to deal with children. They'd keep moving and it would ruin your photos. But I wasvery satisfied. I'm usually always satisfied in taking Michelle's pics. She likes to pose, like her mother. :P From those few photos, I like about 70% of them.
A few days ago I was thinking to make a backup database for Michelle's pictures. There are probably already thousands photos now and considering my clumsiness, I made another account specially for Michelle, on DeviantArt to save the photos online. The account ID is aipics. Check it out and find new photos of Michelle everyday. ;)

I just updated my carlaphoto.info website. I mostly added pics on the Models section, but there are also some on the Miscelleanous part.

Now I'm going to work on my other domains. ;)
Plan for tomorrow: Photo shooting Iyem, Rina and Dewi at the House of Sampoerna. YAY. I'm soooo lucky to be surrounded by friends who like posing. (hehehe)

And yes, it's a productive weekend.
I'm so tired...
Listening to: Dakota - Stereophonics
A lot of things pissed me off lately. Starting from the most recent one... A post office experience exactly 2 hours ago.

Mark Adams, one of my top 5 bestfriends, was celebrating his 30th birthday 3 days ago. I was talking to him over the phone last month when he told me his anxiety about it. I could relate. I was so panicked when I was about to get 25 last year. So I planned to give him a more special birthday gift this year.

I had two of my recent photography works printed for him last week. 10R each. 25 cm x 20 cm. I knew he'd like them for they were self-made. But I just got the chance to send it over this afternoon.

I took my bike at the lunch time and rode it to the nearest post-office. I never went there so I got a little lost. But I was way too smart to be lost for the third time (shit, yes, I took the wrong turn like about twice). I found the small post office and handed in the big envelope I brought to one of two clerks there. There were only 2 customers there... one, I should say -- myself. The other non-clerk person didn't seem like wanting to post something.

Anyway, he glanced to the front part of my letter and said:
"What's in it?" *hands touching and guessing the letter*
"Pictures and a birthday card," I replied.
"OK, well, I can serve you now, but I can't guarantee it will be sent to the person mentioned."
"What do you mean?" *pissed*
"I mean, the main post office would probably be curious if it was really pictures and a card in there. So the custom might need to check that."
"So let them check. I've nothing to hide there. But what's it to do with your not being sent statement?"
"Well.. the thing is, you're sending something to Australia. And at this moment any package sent to or received from there is under a tight check."
"It's not a package. It's a document."
"They wouldn't know, I'm afraid. You might get a letter from them to come there to clarify your package."
"It's NOT a package, and I don't mind going there if it's really necessary. I'm just wondering why you would have a post office over here if it didn't really function. But anyway, I do not need to pay more if I do indeed get the letter from the custom, do I?"
"I don't know, Miss. We can't guarantee..."

Fuck it, man. I'm sending it now cause I'm already here. I don't feel the need to debate you more cause you don't seem to know ANYTHING at all. If they do charge me more than I need to, I'll bitch the authorities later!
What could be more frustrating than today?
  1. It's Monday.
  2. Lacking sleep.
  3. Arriving at the office to find that I was not wanted in the room where I had to sit while our working room upstairs was being fixed, for the reason that I was blocking the aircon.
  4. Moving to Veve's temporary desk in the main room for less than 15 minutes to be moved again to our own room.
  5. Re-cleaning the desk, books and CD's for the maid was only doing the floor.
  6. Went to Galaxy Mall at lunch to reserve some seats for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie tonight, to find out that the seats left are those in the very front of screen.
  7. Went back to the office and found out that my Adobe Photoshop CS did not work! I had to uninstall and reinstall it but there was some problem in the CD. Looked for Yunus, who usually helped technical problems at the office, but he's nowhere to be found.
  8. Missed Kenny again.
So now I'm sitting here without nothing to do. What else should I do at work when there is no Photoshop? It's my breath here!

I guess I'll need to write this in my activity report:
1. Room cleaning.
2. Browsing for pics and neat-imaging.

Fresh from the oven... taken less than an hour ago... Let's welcome, the winners of our forum competition!

1st Place.

Our trusted photographer, Nyo, unfortunately failed to meet winner. So we'll have to keep his picture in the shadow before the related person reveales himself to public. You can, however, cheer out for him. :)

2nd Place.

Me -- Carla Ardian. *clap clap*

Third Place.

Eva Natalia, alias Iyem. YAY! A very respective effort of herself to hit the third place, especially since she realises that her English is somewhat basic. But she tried hard anyway. Congrats, Iyem!!!!

Fourth Place.

Vebby Anastasia, alias Veve, alias wacky serenade.
No one expected her to come out as a winner, since she didn't seem to be interested in joining the competition. She apparently changed her mind when nearing the contest deadline, and sped up till she placed herself as the top fourth post-er in altoentertainment forum.

Fifth Place.

Lisa Gunawan, alias Gabus.
Proudly presents: Gabus!!!!! As the fifth winner. Rather like Iyem, she doesn't speak English fluently, but I always admire her willingness to learn. She also made her way pretty quickly in the last minute of the competition, thus she deserves to get Rp 100,000 voucher from Sogo. Congratulations, Gabus!

----- Non-Winners, but contributed significantly in having this post up:
Carla - the author.
Nyo - the photographer.
Bo - the cheerleader.

Bonus photo:

Mood: Resting
Reading: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain
It's been so damn busy weeks!
Unfortunately not in the sense that I was being productive at work.
My boss held this contest of submitting the most good quality posts at our company's new celebrities forum. The 5 top post-ers will get 5 shopping vouchers from Sogo, Matahari and Carrefour. And though at first I was not so interested in joining the crap where I've known almost nothing about celebrities, I want a pair of walking/hiking shoes. So I was determined to win one of the vouchers. If I can get the shoes I want cheaper, why not?
It turned out that it was not a quality forum after all. Especially because of the existence of this member called shadow. There's no doubt that he goes for the vouchers my boss was offering, cause he replied basically almost every post, without even understanding what the post was discussing about. His comments are simply lame, boring and particularly un-clever it made the other members quickly lose their patience. Including me.
But anyway, it was over yesterday (thank God) and the winners were announced today. I'm in the second place (YAY, a Rp 400,000 voucher), and shadow is in the first. Still, it was kinda disappointing that Vera didn't check the so-called quality posts. She shouldn't have mentioned it at all in the beginning if she didn't plan to check it. If quantity was what mattered the most, I wouldn't put so much mind into making clever posts.

Last weekend was great, though. I was invited to join a photo hunting with the Surabayan photographers in Kenjeran beach. There were two sessions, sunrise and models. It was the biggest Surabayan photo hunting sessions, they said. Attended by about 30-40 photographers, I sure met a hell lot of cool people there. The knowledge sharing was nice, too. Though the jokes were SO typical men ones (there were probably only 5 female photographers there), it was all fun and interesting. I shot soooo many cool pics it really made my day.
I was pretty suffering from waking up too early, though (4 in the morning), but it was definitely most satisfying.

My body hurt all over as soon as I got home. I guess the "falling" session I had earlier took part in being one of the causes. Yeah... audience, the FOURTH [reported] Carla's most popular clumsiness is ON!!!
I was trying to get a better angle in shooting the sunrise at that time, so I climbed a sort of cement bridge. I was pretty much absorbed in the particularly astounding view in front of me and my camera I forgot that I was standing in an unlevel ground. When I was done with my shots, I turned my body and swayed my foot to find a different place to shoot. The next thing can easily be predicted.
I fell. In front of about 7 random visitors there. Nobody helped me, of course. Instead, a bakso seller mocked me sarcastically, "Lapo seh kok tibo, mbak?" -- translation: Why did you fall, Miss?
Why did you think I would INTENTIONALLY fall, asshole? Didn't you see it was an accident?

I left the stupid laughing people and went on shooting. My knees were bruised bluish purple and they really hurt, but I was too excited to worry about it.

Official report on Jawa Pos, Surabaya local newspaper: [link]
And from fotografer.net forum..

ANYWAY... here are some of the shots I did.

Got this from Juz' page. Just for fun and the questions are really crappy, but I guess the result is pretty correct. :D Except the hiding my true feeling.. I used to when I was younger, but not anymore.

You are a cat person. You are independant and very
self-rigious. You have a mind of your own and
are not afraid to show it. You tend to hide
your true feelings and get frustrated (easy).

Who are you inside?


Wallpaper of the day
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us
It is not other people that hurt you with their words or acts.
It is you that hurts yourself for letting your heart get hurt.

And oh, how I enjoy hurting myself all the time.
And oh, how I wish I stopped finding the truth.
Mood: Meditative

Denni Permadi Gautama.

He was a co-worker at Excellogix, the website publisher company I'm working at at present. On 31 October 2005 he officially resigned from Excellogix, to pursue a bigger career in Jakarta, so we made this little gathering before going home.

We usually have a kind of testimonial time when someone's out. But with Denni, we never have anything usual. He's a person who always bluntly comments (most of the time, negatively) over people's personality or work. And with Denni, we are forced to do the same to him (to defend ourselves). Naturally there have been just too many testimonials being exchanged during his two-year time here. So the session was skipped.

We spent most of our time taking his pictures, together or with one of us. The other members had some design printed on a white T-Shirt we gave him as a farewell gift (+ our signatures), and he was forced to wear it at once.

I guess I'll skip the details and jump to a more interesting thing that we didn't do at the farewell party: testimonial over Denni.

Well, I always know him as a big guy who adores food and computer games more than anything in the world. His brain seems to be made of millions of tiny, delicate, smart computer chips built in the computer and his mouth is as fast and sharp as a two-headed knife. The two things above have made him particularly most peculiar among the other workmates. Not sure if that means positive or negative, but I guess from the amount of things he's got for leaving this office -- the personalized T-Shirt, a pencil drawing of him and his girlfriend from Iyem and Freddy, a self-designed wall decoration from us, and later from me a new website layout for his blog -- he's more well-liked than hated. Or is it the other way around? He got much more things than the other ex-workmates cause we encourage him to leave? Hahaha.. Naw, just kidding.

Anyway, I'd like to thank Denni for taking me home when we were still in night shift. Our houses are somewhat in the same track, but he still had to go around much farther in order to drop me at home. Thank you for helping me out in some complicated PHP codes. Thank you for listening to my rants. Thank you for being a matching debate sparing partner. Thank you for the foods you shared. Thank you for being a relatively, annoyingly but truly honest person (we need more of that type in this country). Thank you for being yourself.

Good luck with your love and career in Jakarta. And bye... for now. :D

Mood: Comatose
Reading: Desires & Deceptions by Jasmine Cresswell


Sometimes I just make things more complicated than they should be.
Sometimes it seems like the most simple thing in the world is to hug the warm darkness and never wake up.
Sometimes it's just so frustrating to embrace the cooling air.
Sometimes the past and the future are more beautiful than the sucking present; but when the now-present passes and becomes the past, it is judged to be the most convinient.

Sometimes I just want to get my brain out of my head and think of nothing.
Alrighty... I'm not in a good mood of doing creative writing lately, so I'm thinking of making it up with uploading a wallpaper I made today.
I'm not a big fan of entertainment world and I have no idea who Juliette Binoche is. But here it is. Available to download if you fancy it to be your desktop wallpaper.

Resolution: 1024 x 768
You can't be too amazed with a Mr. Know-it-All. One thing they should have been learning is: to stop their stupid mouth in saying something so simple, matter-of-factly, elementary knowledge thing, just to impress their speaking partner.

Which fails miserably.

Here's a (translated) chat with a guy who claims himself as a photographer.


BlaBla, invites you to view his or her webcam.
Deny.. [clicked]

BlaBla: do u see my chubby face yg little2 blacky ?
Carla: i didn't accept it
Carla: it's not allowed.
Carla: i'm at the office
[didn't Yahoo! send you a denial message from me, Mr. Smartie?]

BlaBla: i'm just trying a new webcam
BlaBla: they said it was "super", but it's slow...
Carla: your connection is
BlaBla: maybe... the colours suck. they definitely are not sharp and crispy...
BlaBla: so ugly
BlaBla: rubbish...
BlaBla: there's no even single detail
Carla: so what the hell do you want? a pro 8MP digital camera?
Carla: it's a webcam, for pity's sake
BlaBla: no no.. canon 20D is enough for me.


Watching: The Transporter 2
Reading: Zen in Ten
Project done: Carla Photo


Hi! What do you think about the enourmous raise of the petrol price lately?
  • Choking
  • Stressing
  • Annoying
I can relate. It hasn't been so long since the government raised the gas price for the sake of the education and health fund allocation, and now we have to face another raise, which was caused by the global worldly price raise.

It sucks alright. But what can we say? This kind of thing is unavoidable. So instead of being one of those "empty" protestants, who would just throw stones and burn tyres, which resulted to nothing, I'd like to offer another more peaceful alternative.

Alright, first of all, the facts. What have we got here?
Petrol price raise is always a rather fatal issue. When it increases, the prices of other things are automatically following. Rice, meat, vegetables, housings, transportation, clothes, school, basically everything. While on the other hand, the salary of the employees all over Indonesia do not get any raise; fancy a salary raise, more PHK (disemployment) is the most likely occurence here. Or even if it does, it will take some time and mass strike until it's granted. It's sad but it happens.
Fact # 2 is that it drives more crimes in the country. More people get devastated and hungry. Jungle's rule is taking over and attacking other people to survice is more acceptable, if not understandable. It's just so hard for everyone.

Now I'm going to limit the subject. It's practically almost impossible to ask our people to calm down and be cool. I'll let our president and his cabinet think about that.
But to solve a little transportation problem, as one of the oh-so-many effects of the petrol price raise, let's do some rough mathematics over here.
  • By car (before the raise): Rp 120,000 per week = Rp 480,000 per month
    By car (after the raise): Rp 200,000 per week = Rp 800,000 per month
  • By motorcycle (before the raise): Rp 15,000 per week = Rp 60,000 per month
    By motorcycle (after the raise): Rp 30,000 per week = Rp 120,000 per month
  • By public transportation (before the raise): Rp 66,000 per week = Rp 264,000 per month
    By public transportation (after the raise): Rp 96,000 per week = Rp 384,000 per month
Phew... Those numbers are scary.

Anyway, if you concern much about your health and the shape of your body, let's add up to your list a fitness monthly subscription as much as Rp 275,000 (before the raise).

Before you read the next passage, please bear in mind that this suggestion is only for those who wish to balance their dying money flow. If you are in the possession of enough or much money, do NOT claim to me that it's ridiculous for me to say this for you still have a comfortable car. (Whoever in this good earth wouldn't want comfort?)

Ok, let's continue our discussion.

What's the solution of this transportation problem?
A bicycle.

Yes, a simple bicycle.
The early means of transportation using the almost endless energy of our legs.

  • A decent new bicycle will cost you about Rp 370,000, with almost no budget for its maintanance -- cheap.
  • A fitter body is what you'll get when you take your bicycle to get from one place to another periodically.
  • Fresher air and a friendly nasal environment when most people do this.
Minuses (as objected by some female co-workers):
  • bigger legs
  • sweaty dirty look after cycling
  • tired
  • unsafe
It's your choice. But I have to say that I feel much better after cycling to work for a few weeks now. I feel healthier, face brighter and better in financial.
The only thing I hope is that more people will use the bicycles to achieve better air. We need more oxygen in Indonesia; and no more carbon-dioxide.

Thus, this post...
In love I…

… am a stuck up girl.
… am not flexible.
… live in my own self-created box full of sweet dreams and hopes.
… am conservative.
… am a nuisance.
… am very tolerant.
… am colour-blind.
… am not demanding although no promises are made.
… do not even ask you to love me back.

In a sort-of love I…

… am liberal and open.
… am both understanding and selfish.
… keep a slight emotional distance from you.
… am still myself.

After love I…

… am deaf.
… am blind.
… am numb.
… am stupid.
… can’t be the friend you expect me to be.

Sorry a million.
Do I still have a blog?

Man, it's been a while since the last time I wrote here, hasn't it?
Well, I've got too much to tell I don't know where to begin. So I'd probably skip them all for the next time.

I've been busy lately (No, don't roll your eyes now). Nice busy, though. So to explain it, I'll need to make my points in points. I hate this way but I seriously can't describe everything that has happened these past few weeks.

  • First of all, I realised that I still had a blog after I got a comment notification from Blogger that Jason, a friend of a friend, commented in my last post. It was a nice comment and somewhat encouraging my writing skill. As always, I'm easy to get high with compliments (haha). Now go and give him a visit. You might like his expressive blog.
  • I went to Jakarta, as planned, as a finalist of the singing competition in Het Week van de Nederlands. I actually expected it to be nice and calm and fun. Though the last expectation came true, I had to go through a real tight schedule of singing practices with the keyboard player. Not to mention that the song they wanted me to sing was a hard one, that took up almost all of my voice energy. It was still cool, though. I met cool, warm, talented people and broadened my friends connection. I lost in the competition. Blamed myself at first for being too tired and nervous (seriously, it was one of the very few times in my life that I got nervous) when I had to be on the stage and sang in front of hundreds of people. Pluuuussss, I forgot my lines again. Hahaha... But, it was still nice. I had nothing to lose, anyway. I came with nothing and went back home with some things. *grin*
    Oh, and I met Yuli, too. She's a friend of Arnoud that emailed me a while ago after reading my article on Arnoud's website. Nice girl.
  • After Jakarta I went to Bangka island for a four-day holiday. I bought tickets for my sister and niece, as sis requested, so that they could go back home with me. This is actually what triggered the sour face of my sister's father-in-law. Two first minutes after I met him for the initial time and shaked his hand (I had still not even let go his hand yet), he told me that I could go home with my sister, but not with Michelle.
    Why, Mister. I'm very honoured to be accepted here. Could you please remember that I have nothing to do with all the discussions between you, my sister and her husband? The fact that I'm bringing their tickets shouldn't make me the guilty person, should it?
    Luckily, the rest of the family was nice, so I could keep my mouth shut and emotion down whenever he sarcastically lit the fire of the war.
    About Bangka island itself, it's not really a tourist island. More like a fishermen one. There are indeed some historical places of interest, but it's a world-wide understanding that I'm never interested in history. The beaches are actually quite nice if there were more developments in the area. So to summarize it, the landscape is not that cool, but the food and men ARE. Geezh... I couldn't find a bus conductor or a street snack seller in Surabaya that is as handsome as in there!
  • Back home, the house that was slightly cleaner when Michelle was absent, became like a wrecked ship once she stepped her small feet again there. Mother was undoubtedly happy to have her back and spoiled her twice or thrice she did before the baby went to Bangka.
  • Oh, did I tell you that I bought a new camera to replace my lost one? Well, I did buy it. Canon PowerShot A-95. 5 MP. Flipable LCD. Cool thing. I've got my spirit back, thanks to it. It kinda sinks back everytime I think about the payment, though. Haha...
  • To top it all, I purchased some domain names and got a webhost for them for less than Rp 250,000. Thanks to Denni for letting me know. I'm sooooo excited in building it up. Designing it is only a part of the fun. :D So... you can expect a link of them (or one of them) as soon as I'm happy with the overall outcome of it.
It has been a weird day.

After what happened with my eye this afternoon, I got another "amusing" experience when I was about to visit Felix, my ex-student.
I haven't met him for the longest time. The last time I taught him was probably in 2001, when I started to work for CDU. He was in the third grade of Junior High School then, and even then he already changed so much from the first time I met him two years before.

Felix was a fine boy. He was shy at first, but lately I learnt that he was naturally playful. He was crazy about football and he brought his ball wherever he went. Even at the time we were having our lesson, his feet would always continously kick the ball. I can recall those times when I stole the ball from him and had it under my feet to force him to concentrate. Then I was still taller than him.

He grew up so fast, his height rapidly advanced over me. And he kept measuring our bodies. In almost no time he got much taller than I was. Though it also happenned to my other teenager students, it was always a surprising miracle to witness a little boy transforming into an almost grown-up man.

I stopped teaching him because I got too busy with CDU. I often had to work overtime so I had not much time left for my private students.

A few days ago I was cleaning up my drawer and found my old address book. There printed some old familiar (or even unfamiliar) names of acquintances and students. I spent my afternoon to call them one by one, including Felix.

He guessed it right when he heard my voice. He told me he had been trying to contact me but I was always not at home. I was sorry for that but I just couldn't help it. We set up a meeting today.. We previously planned to meet up at the mall, but then his mom called me and said that she wanted to see me, too.. so I offered to go to their house, instead.

I was early. I thought I still remembered the way to his house, but apparently I took the wrong turn. I turned on the first road and checked out the houses on the right. It was pretty different, I thought. And I had no idea if his family reconstructed their house of not. Foolishly, I was too confident that I remembered his house without bringing his complete address. I finally found a house, which looked like his old house. And instead of going through the house with the white fence gate as I used to do, I knocked on the lock of the gate.

An old man appeared before the doorstep and asked whom I was looking for.

"Felix," I said, "Is he home?" while wondering how time made Felix' father look so old. I didn't wear my eyeglasses, as I haven't fixed them yet, but I could tell that he was much older than when I used to teach Felix.

The man came inside and called Felix.

A little bit overweight boy ran jumpingly towards the gate and said, "Yes?"

"Hi Felix!!! Long time no see!" I blurted out without checking him out.

"Err... who are you?" he said in his confusement.

"How dare you not to remember me. It's Carl..." I stopped when I finally got to see the boy's face through the dimly lighted porch. Oh God, he looked so young, I thought. Didn't he grow up at all? And what's this pretending not knowing me???

"Are you Felix?" I asked.


"From Petra University?"

"No, I'm still in Junior High."

G R E A T !

Wrong guy.

How the hell I could be missing Felix' real house, in a house so similar like his own, with a boy named Felix, too?!?!?!

The boy kindly gave me an alternative of another Felix in the same neighbourhood. But soon I found out that he was not the Felix I meant since he still sits in the Senior High School.
His mother and father got out of the house and asked what happened.

I, feeling shamed, explained that I might come accross the wrong house, which happened to have a boy with the same Felix name.

They symphatized and offered me to borrow their phone. (Which was good, cause I was running out of fund on my cell) I accepted the offer and got in their house. I called the real Felix (thanks God I saved his number on my mobile!) and his maid explained that Felix' house was on the next street. She gave me the full address and the couple helped me give the direction.

It was absolutely shameful, though funny, cause I kept laughing at myself when I was on my way to Felix' house.

The good thing from it was this Felix' parents were interested after they knew that I taught English privately. They asked my number before I left and I thought,
"Maybe it was the way it meant to be. I could be having a prospective student now"

*smile smile*
I forgot to bring my lunch box that my mother had kindly prepared for me. She called me when I was on bemo and asked if I remembered that I was missing something. I looked around and inside my backpack if I forgot to bring my cellphone (my most important belonging). Just then I found out that I left my lunch box. *sigh* Ged, I think I really need to work on that curiously absolutely-not-profitable personality.

Anyway, that made me have to go out to buy some lunch at 12 o'clock. I decided to go to warung soto near the office and buy a portion of soto with rice.

When I arrived back at the office, I started to eat the soto while talking with other workmates who sat around the dining table. I always like spicy food, so I had some sambal (chilli sauce) added before I ate. The unfortunate thing was that accidents seem to like to stick with me wherever I go and whatever I do.

There were some noodles in the soto and one of them seemed to jump on the soto, where the hot soup water splashed on my face! My right eye, to be exact. So you can imagine. IT HURT SO DAMN MUCH to have that spicy pricking water inside it! *sob sob*

My eye was quite watery and painful for 15 minutes or so that I couldn't concentrate on eating my lunch. That was most uncomfortable. :(

To make it worse, it was not the first time I had that. The same experience happened to me in less than a month. Urrrggghhh....
... is pretty
... has a great sense of humour
... is smart
... likes to play a little, as in not always too serious.. but sometimes of course she can be
... sometimes is a little moody and difficult
... is a little dominant and wants to be in control
--- Arnoud Meindertsma ---

... is a clumsy girl
... likes confronting people
... likes singing and traveling
--- Denni Permadi, as written in Friendter's testimonial ---

... is so sweet
... is creative
... is easy to get angry and doesn't bother to use sweet words
... is an independent and tough woman
... is a modern Xena
... loves bakso
--- Yustina Widyawati, as written in Friendster's testimonial ---

... is the craziest English teacher I've ever known
... is a traveling lover
... is cuek pol
--- Stephanie Budiharjo, as written in Friendster's testimonial ---

... is a real person, very lively and honest
... is not hypocrite
... is tough
... sucks
... is fun
--- Shirley Wibisono, as written in Friendster's testimonial ---

... is sweetness, sometimes too sweet, it comes straight from the heart
... is responsible, naieve a bit, cantik, open-minded, unique
... is always herself
--- Marijn Huijbers, as written in Friendster's testimonial ---

... is cool, loud and friendly
... is kind
... is a good listener
--- Kusumawati Wiyono ---

... is childish but pretends to be mature
... is passionate
... is nice and one of my best friends
... is fat
--- Reynard ---

... is a crazy English teacher
... likes to quarell with workmates
--- Lusida Juwita, as written in Friendster's testimonial ---
I took my sister and niece to the airport this morning. They've been bugged by Ita's husband and parents in law lately to move to Bangka island, where they live. Ita was quite unsure for a while. She just doesn't want to LIVE in that island. A month visit is OK, but living there is another issue. Firstly it's a small island, where she can hardly find any offices to work at. Secondly, that leads to her doing nothing there but eat and sleep and take care of Michelle. And naturally she won't get any good name in A Lung's family's eyes. Since she's super lazy in housework, I don't think she'll help her mother-in-law much in doing the house chores. Thirdly, she'll be having a hard time taking care of Michelle, my niece, cause for all this time my mother was the one who have been taking care of the cute little baby. There's no doubt that A Lung's family will be so much in love with Michelle, like those unknown girls at the airport who were so very excited to see her cute face. But it was so hard for my mom to let her go. She's been sad for days because of this moving out.

As for me... it's a big loss.
My sister and I don't really get along too well at home. But like any other public secret, the more you get into a fight with somebody, the more it shows that you actually love or care about that person. I love Ita. No matter how minus her behaviour is (I guess she thinks the same of me).
And Michelle... is always my most adorable baby in the world. I was often annoyed by her mischievious acts lately.. to mention some: hiding my toothbrush, taking away my CD collections and climbing up my bed and throwing them down under the bed, messing about with my tampon box and spread them all over the room, switching off the computer power, wrecking my books and comics, banging my cellphone to the hard part of the bed, etc. etc. But they are just some things that make me love her more. Especially when I caught her doing the crime. She would throw away ANYTHING she was holding, smile or laugh, then run away as quickly as possible.

Who can get mad to such a sweet smart adorable naughty baby?

Just then I had the idea of visiting them in Bangka island right after the singing competition in Jakarta this month. My trip to Jakarta will be paid by Erasmus Huis, so I'll just need to fund my tickets from Jakarta to Bangka. Money is still quite a big issue at the moment, but I'll try to manage to get enough of it for this travel.

I seriously need a sidejob. There are just so many needs to fulfill, and so many other less "important" things I want to have. Let me know if you know some, OK?
There were times I cared about you so much
I'd give everything I had for you
There were times I was annoyed by you so much
I felt like knocking you out senseless

There were times I was so down
Your hands would reach out and take me into your embrace
There were times I was so in love
And you'd jump with joy with me in excitement

There were times we were angry at each other
We'd pretend we were not friends
There were times we felt so vile
We'd plan naughty things together

Through the joy
Through the sadness
Through everything we've been through
No matter how bitchy I was
Or how super bitchy you were
One thing will never change

That I love you.
I was bored this morning. So as usual, I came downstairs and annoyed my other workmates. I had my glass of water with me and filled it in with cold water.

Being satisfied with playing around with Jus, Bo, Sinta, Vanie and Yendy, I wanted to go back upstairs. I was not really in a rush. But everytime I felt pretty happy I tended to walk faster -- which in this case I made a little run on the stairs.

Being clumsy as usual, I slipped. It was not a noisy fall, but I felt my leg hurt. Holding the pain I checked the front of my leg and there was a little bruise. It was just an exact moment when I found out that my little right finger bled! I tried to take away the blood with my other hand but it wouldn't go. It bled inside the skin! *cry*

It was swollen almost right after the accident. And it hurt as hell. Mariza suggested to poke it with a safety pin that she "found" somewhere on her messy office desk, but the other workmates downstairs told me not to, cause of the risk of having an infection. THAT scared me off. So I decided not to do anything with it.

When it was almost noon, people were telling me: If you don't get the blood out, you may gain a tumor or cancer, Carla.

Mood: Creative
Listening to: My Favorite Things - John Coltrane

I've not been in the mood of blogging lately. There are just too many things to do (besides annoying my friends, LOL), which is a good fact.

But in short:
  • I've been a weekly visitor of Excelso (couldn't resist the temptation when my friends are so persuasive about chilling out there..)
  • I was in a deep financial trouble, which made me decide to cancel my deposit at Niaga Bank so I can get some money to survive this month.
  • I've been to busy sleeping. I don't know, but I feel like sleeping all the time and not wake up. It might be a sign of a frustration, but I don't think I am frustrated. I think it might have something to do with my metabolism or mind.. Dunno.. Probably gotta check that to a doctor.
  • I've been stressed out everytime I see photos of other people, or read reviews of some sort of cameras. My life is absolutely meaningless without it, and I could end up crying or getting angry cause of my disability in buying one. Been checking out a Canon PSA-95, and am really considering in taking it when my deposit is finally cleared.
  • I have no progress with my personal website (the design has already been completed and the .htm file has been half created). But there's a point that I can't just continue it. It's so fuckin' hard to be a moody person, huh?
  • Rina has mentioned about going clubbing lately. Gosh.. how it seemed to be a long time ago since we did it the last time. I do want clubbing.. but again.. money matter. Just maybe, when I get my money back from the bank, I can go and have fun at Desperados again? Hmm..
Oh well.. just some negative rants.. I don't feel so lacking in real, though. I'm very happy, and hey, I'm getting twenty-six this week! Yoohooo... Have you prepared anything for me? A present? A party? :D
Mood: Loved
Listening to: Moby - OST The Matrix Reloaded
Reading: Food Combining (Pola Makan untuk Langsing & Sehat) - Andang Gunawan
The oh-so-many street lights in the centre of Surabaya.

The logo of Good Boy (Natural Treats Company) is finally done. Whew.. I'm glad. So the only ongoing project (besides the "office" work) is my personal website. It's going to consume most of my weekend free time, so better be ready for more "Busy" status on my YM (though it's not very much likely REAAAALLLY busy). Anyway.. I'm happy. I accomplished pretty good things lately and I've been supported mentally by the people I love. I feel beautiful and LIFE is just so beautiful. It's so nice to see the world positively like this.

The Excelso promotion offer is valid until September. Thus we didn't waste any chance of drinking many many cups of coffee or tea at the cafe. Not last weekend.

I called Jun, a very good friend of mine at Widya Mandala University, a few days before for this chit-chat and coffee outing. I told her I was taking Rina with me, and she said OK.
On the day, as usual I had to attend my Dutch class and I finished before noon. I checked emails and chatted for a while at CDU, Shierly's office -- and formerly my office. I told her I was going to meet Jun at the mall and she wanted to join us. Cool. Both of these good friends, Shierly and Jun, have not met each other since Jun was back from Canada. Jun didn't contact so many old friends about her arrival, for some complicated reasons, just like her complicated self. And Shierly is going to go to Japan in less than 3 weeks, to learn to cook from her mother-in-law, almost directly after her wedding reception on the 2nd of September this year. I thought it was a great idea (though kinda flawful remembering these 2 girls' past history) to bring them together, cause they won't have that much chance to talk in the wedding, as Shierly would surely be busy with her 200++ guests.

So.. each of us ordered some food and lots of drinks, after being shocked by Jun's coming with her HUSBAND, Erfan. Uhh.. Okay, I wasn't too shocked. I knew they had been going out together for some time and I knew they planned to get married around July, but I didn't know the exact date, nor was I told about the positivity of their marriage plan. I was asked to keep it a secret and I did.. until Shierly saw that Jun and Erfan were wearing a ring, which she thought at first was an engagement ring. The news was spread out quickly, of course, for this very morning I've already heard from Valens and Veve asking about it. Hohoho..

Well, though in the beginning I felt that the chat was quite awkward, we finally got our old "click" as soon as Erfan left us for this girls hangout and began to chat and catch up the newest news and gossips of our uni friends. We made jokes of others' mistakes and shared those various funny and weird cultures of our husbands or ex boyfriends of other countries. Jun and Shierly happened to have similar experiences with Japanese men and it was sooo fun to talk it out. Rina and I shared our parts, too, since we also date(d) foreign guys. The topic moved to sex, which was as nice or even more exciting, to talk about. Then to the bachelor party for Shierly, and perhaps for Jun, too, though it's a little late. We were discussing which guy should strip for us (WHOOHOO that would be reaaalllly amazing to do). Some old friends' names were mentioned.. such as Valens, Musa etc. But we decided (in our "what if" imagination) that we shouldn't use them, risking that they wouldn't strip at all for us. Hahaha..

In short, it was incredibly nice. I loved every minute of our talk. We had a bloated stomach, as usual, after drinking cups of coffee at Excelso. So after a visit to the toilet, we went around Sogo to browse for some cool dress for Shierly's wedding. It was fun, if not frustrating.. since I'm really really short in cash these past few months. I fell in love with a sexy knitted top at the same time Rina walked towards it. She had the same opinion about it and decided to buy it right away. Wavingly she said, "Well you can also have the same one, but in different colour, please." Oh yeah, right... The last time we bought the same type of top, though in different colour, people are always commenting that we were sisters. So I put it down and browsed some more.

In the end I finally didn't make up my mind in any dress. I need to do my shopping in a less crowded day. Saturday and Sunday do certainly not qualify as the best shopping days!
Jun hasn't found one for her, either. So we might set up another meeting for it.

It was fantastic, nonetheless. Especially that the weekend was closed with a great time spent on the internet the next morning. I might get freaked out to see my phone bill in the end of the month, but I wouldn't do anything to change it.

Have a fine day. :)
Last weekend was pretty awesome. I went to Erasmus Huis to have my Dutch class, as usual, to where I found that only two other classmates attended it. That made us have to talk more in the class in a conversation. And however I'm good at the Dutch grammar or writing, my speaking skill sucks. When I couldn't find the Dutch word of "Thursday" (yeah, Thursday; a must have known word -- taught in the very beginning of the basic level), Mevrouw Anneke started to scream frustratingly, "Carlaaaaaa, you're going to Jakarta next month and you still can't speak Dutch well!!!!"--to which I answered nothing but some giggles.

Anyway, I'm still better than Ana. Ppphhhttt, ask me excuses, I'm the master. :P

After the class, I still had to do my Speaking and Listening midtest (alone) as the result of my so-many-times-skipping-classes irresponsible behaviour. I did the Grammar and Writing test last week so it didn't take long. I think I did pretty OK in the listening test. I missed the meaning of the tenth question, though, which I figured out what when I had the Speaking test later on. But I didn't do many mistakes... Speaking test was OK, too. I didn't know what magazine was in Dutch, so basically it was the only mistake I made in Speaking. :P

It ended at 12. I remembered I promised my friends to meet up at de' Excelso at 1 p.m. cause the cafe is having a big promotion of "free drinks with a minimum order of Rp 75,000" paid with HSBC card. So I thought I still had an hour to go. I walked down the stairs to Shierly's place, CDU, and borrowed the computer there to download the picture of Montana, Ken's dog, as I promised him to make a logo for his business. I met him on YM so we chatted for a while....

... which made me quite smiley the rest of the day... :)

Anyway... it appeared that it was a very very very very very VERY wrong decision to not go to de' Excelso right away after my Dutch class. When I arrived there, almost all food that my friends ordered have gone away to their stomach and innocent me didn't bother about THAT as I was ordering something else. What I forgot to speculate was there were 6 people sitting around the table, including me, and that the custom of people working at Excellogix was SHARING a little bit of each other's food. Missing those most important facts of Excellogix table manner before ordering, I stupidly ordered a very small yet veeeery delicate most delicious Macaroni Schotel.

When it arrived, my macaroni schotel was shared (with a verbal force by those beloved workmates) and I began to look at them AND my macaroni schotel AND them AND macaroni schotel.... helplessly.

Anton: Hmmm... It tastes nice! (Oh-uh)
Jus: Wow, I like it!!! -- while taking the second spoonful of it into her mouth. (Noooo!!!)
Yendy: It's great, La! (uh.. yeah.. I know, please look at my eyes and have some mercy)
Bo: YAY! Enak enak... (BO, STOP EATING IT!!!)
Vanie: Yummy... I guess you are the loser here, La.. Cause we all took your food while you didn't get any bit of taste of ours. Hahahaha.... (Geezhh... Thanks, Van!)

THAT left me with a damn QUARTER of the already-originally-small Macaroni Schotel!!! *sob sob* And there.. they were just sitting and laughing at my unfortunate state.

I was hungry afterwards. But I thought I'd eat some more food at home anyway, so I tried to make it up with the free drinks. So I ordered:
  1. a cup of Capuccino Toraja (they gave me the wrong one apparently, instead of cappucino, they served the strong type of Torajan coffee.)
  2. a cup of Mega Mocha Shake (also coffee with some mocha taste)
  3. a cup of Capuccino on the Rocks
  4. a cup of hot chocolate.
That didn't help my empty stomach. Instead it made it bloated with air and everybody was feeling like farting, but could hardly... in that open, full-of-people mall.

I just wanted to go home and lie down on my bed and FART. But Yendy and Vanie suggested to go to some counters after sitting for 5 hours at de' Excelso. *sob sob*

Vanie took me home, thanks God. Then I wouldn't have to wait longer to be embraced by my soft bed and pillows in my lovely room. But when I arrived, the plan to eat some of mom-made dinner didn't work out for my stomach felt so weird that I couldn't think of anything but bed and toilet, bed and toilet, bed and toilet.

So well... it didn't come out as lucky as the offer sounded. Maybe it would be so much different if Desperados had the offer, instead of de' Excelso.
Mood: Excited
Project done: designing entertainrings.com (until today, hasn't been fully viewed yet, as the other department still makes some adjustment to the layout, but my part is done. Check again in a week)
Ongoing project: A logo of Good Boy, personal website of myself (version 3)
Reading: The Single White Male
Learning: Adobe Illustrator

Yippeeeeee!!! I'm sooo excited. Got a new toy: Adobe Illustrator!

I know.. I'm a bit left behind. But I was more into messing photos and renders on Photoshop than drawing. I used to like to sketch on a piece of paper than doing it on the computer. But lately, I'm quite inspired by Sharif, a creative friend of mine, who told me he learnt Illustrator by himself. Just like I learnt making design and website layout by myself with the help of some books and online tutorials.

I've always wanted to start it since last year, but I kept postponing it until 2 weeks ago. I had Adobe Illustrator CS installed in my office computer (I want to install it in my home computer, but these days I've been pretty busy with other things at home so I won't be able to really use it at home anyway) and I've started to make some graphics for the wallpapers I should make for Excellogix. My bosses raised our target to 200 wallpapers a month, note: Iyem and I can lower the quality of them in order to meet the stressing target.. so there.. I need a practical way to make fast and a lot of wallpapers in a short time. *sigh* This preassure has apparently done good for my motivation to learn Illustrator. Iyem is a Macromedia Freehand expert. I'm not very accustomed with Macromedia's tools, so that's why I chose Illustrator, and not Freehand.

In short, as I've been babbling too much, I feel alive again. I'm haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppyyyyyy!

Weekend plans:
Saturday: Dutch course in the morning, lunch with Jus, Anton, Yendy, Bo and Vanie at TP.
Sunday: Private course (Ian), practise the song for the competition, design my personal website.
Brainwashing: Een Liefde voor het Leven - Marco Borsato

-- Got an sms from Erasmus Huis Jakarta yesterday. I will have to sing the song above. *sob sob sob*

I CAN'T SING THAT SONG!!! It's too low for my voice! Huaaaaa....

An almost proof that the fund earned from the raise of the fuel price is going to be distributed evenly and for good issues.

I LOVE my country this way. Always do, but this comforting issue makes me "like" the government more.

It's already time to think more about the low income people, and not on the uniforms the ministries wear or what make their official cars is. There are just too many children not being able to go to school nowadays, instead they need to make money for the sake of a plate of rice every day. I guess the amount they plan to give the students are very normal. Education is very expensive, alright, but it almost covers everything needed in the public schools. Good for you, children.

Taken near Tugu Pahlawan, in Surabaya.

Now about the implementation. We all know that keeping ourselves away from the corruption is the hardest thing to do in Indonesia. Be it in the government, be it in the companies, be it in the universities, be it in the fund distributions for the suffering people in the disastrous areas. There are always cases of corruption here and there.
Okay, say it's not the corruption. It might be the complicated bureaucracy or the "usual" postponed work. I read in Jawa Pos last week that the international fund from those generous countries for the tsunami's victims in Aceh could not be continued (yet) because there was no single report on the money allocation in the field. It's been 3 months and there's no news at all. All they asked is just a proof that it's wisely used for the people. If the donated things are ruined, just report that they're ruined. If the rebuilding fund has gone well, report it. Very simple. Maybe it's just too complicated there. Maybe it's just too much of a bureaucracy. But it's just very logical. As a donator, you'd like to know if your money really gets the target, right?

A Lomboknese Child

However, I still hope on a good news for this education and health fund, from the raised fuel price. My brother and sister did receive a scholarship from the government when we were in the very bottom of the monetary crisis in 1999. It was always 2 or 3 months late in receiving the help, but they did get it.

A little hope is always better than no hope at all, right? If it continues this way, a free education is not impossible anymore. :)

Go, Indonesia!
I washed my hair with Vaseline Body Lotion!!!!!
Read this.

I spent almost the whole of my childhood life learning and being encouraged by my teachers at school that I should be proud to be a citizen of a country, which produces oil. For years as well, I'd taken it for granted that there would never be a problem of oil shortage in Indonesia, as well as any other vital production like rice, woods, fabrics, etc.

Well I was wrong. In real, every now and then we always have to import something from other countries. Clothes, shoes, even soap. Why? Cause we believe that they are in better quality than those produced by our factories. Alright, some items perhaps are. But why does this also apply for rice? We PRODUCE rice. We eat rice everyday. We even have this feeling that if we have not eaten rice in a day, it means we have not really eaten. We can see rice fields everywhere in Indonesia, but in big cities, and we enjoy the sight of them. But when it comes to buying the rice of our own, why do we prefer to buy the one of Thailand imported, for example?

As in oil, it's aaalways been cheap to buy petrol in Indonesia. The government's subsided a lot to keep the oil prices low. Just lately it raised the price for the sake of a better allocation of subsidy in other fields such as education, and so many people already complained about it. It affected the high class people more, of course, for they need a big amount of petrol for their cars, but for the low and middle class people, the raise is still rather fine. Though it also affects the prices of basic needs like rice, sugar etc (which need to be transported from one city to another). But as in the fare raise on bemos or buses, or any other public transportation, it wasn't that much, seriously. Only Rp 200 raise (from Rp 1,300 to Rp 1,500). Have you already figured out the problem and the solution or do I still need to explain?

Ok, one more clue. Indonesia has ALWAYS had a problem of pollution and traffic jam. Too many private cars, too much pollution, bad traffic rules (or bad traffic users?). In the industrial area like in Rungkut Surabaya, where I live, people can spend hours on the road just to get to 2 kilometres ahead. Jakarta is even worse. I really can't imagine myself staying in the city too long, where I can get a serious brain damage just from getting stress on the daily traffic jam. I even thought walking was a faster way to get to my destination there. So do you get it now?

We have just too many cars, where one car is mostly occupied by only one person, the driver. For many middle to high class people, going by public transportation is just a very uncomfortable way to travel to their destinations (reasons: they're dirty and filthy, smelly and hot, or maybe unsafe). Not to mention the time wasted for the switch of bemos or buses of different routes. But if you think again, when more people are making the best use of public transportations, pollution and jam's problems can be surpressed (cars will be kept home unless the whole family is going out together), petrol will be more sufficiently distributed (we can't help the raise of the world's petrol's prices, right?), and MAYBE, I think almost positively, that the comfort of the passengers will be more taken care of. Why? Cause there will be more demands on the use of the bemos and buses and trains. More incomes will be contributed to the transportation section, so THEREFORE there should be an improvement on the facilities of the units. Am I right or wrong?

The only problem that should be solved, according to me, is if you dare to look into yourself, and change your point of view about public transportations. Now if you can be honest to yourself, you DO think that going by your own cars, besides giving you comfort, give you more prestige and "status" in the society, right? Do you think you can ever hop on a bemo where you need to share your seating space with so many others, stay on that thing without air conditioner, and sometimes have to "enjoy" they fishy smell from one of the buckets that one of the passengers bring with them, for the sake of conserving energy and getting less pollution on the streets?

The answer is all yours. I just wish you would agree with me a little in this, and perhaps.. just perhaps.. we can build a better city life in our country.
Last night an admirer called. He asked me to be his pacar.

My answer was: "Let's take it easy and be friends. I love your sweet attentions but.. I'm no longer believing. In men or relationship. We can do more things than common friends do as I'm quite comfortable with you, but please.. don't promise anything, as I can't promise anything to you."

I still can't believe it was Carla who said that.

Mark Adams (my friend for a thousand years from Australia) drew meeeee!!!!!!!!!!! I sent him a few pics of mine and he directly practised his drawing skill. He mailed this painting (with another pencil sketch work) and I'm gonna frame them soon! What do you think? He's the second person who ever draws me after my father. :D:D:D
Reading: Travel Book - Maluku.
Listening to: Act a Fool - Ludacris.
Learning: Dutch grammar.
Playing: The Sims.


These past few weeks have been awesome. It's the Dutch cultural month sort of.. (or is it in September?) Oh whatever.. Well the Dutch course where I'm registered at, Erasmus Huis, has been hosting some cool jazz concerts these past 3 weeks. Starting with Eric Vloeimans, a trumpet player, with his two funny very very talented partners in cello and guitar 3 weekends ago; then Sun Yingdi, the winner of the 7th International Franz Liszt Piano Competition last week; and also some local language competition held last Saturday. For the latest, my lerares, Mv. Anneke, was very much "persuading" me to join two of three contests they held; Taalquiz (Language Quiz) and Zangwedstrijd (Singing Contest). I'm absolutely not the contestant material for the other contest, translation. Hehe.. Anyway.. I was not sure about both, I didn't even sign the application form that I was joining! But I came anyway, not knowing what to expect for the quiz, what it would be like, what questions would be asked, etc. etc.


I met Tina there.. she was a rival in the taalquiz.. and she told me she and her group had prepared well, reading Dutch grammars and basic knowledge. SO... I went like, Oh-oh.. I'm gonna embarass myself there. I didn't prepare a thing!

Well friends, be careful with what you expect/think/say, cause it may happen. Monique, Dimas and I were absolutely the losers in the Taalquiz! Hahaha... The lowest score of all, shit.. Ok, our self-defense is: How the hell would we know if we would be asked such questions:
1. What does KLM stand for? (I read Royal Dutch Airlines in its every advertisement, shouldn't it be RDA?)
2. Who was the husband of Queen Wilhelmina? (We answered Klaus, the German prince, but of course we were wrong. He was the husband of Queen Beatrix)
3. Make the passive statement of this sentence (bla bla). And we WILL be taught passive voice grammar next week!
4. What is the capital city of North Holland? (For this one I almost answered it correct (Haarlem), but my teammate was quicker answering it... Groningen.. hehehe)
5. What does VOC stand for? (well.. Dimas was right, luckily.. Monique and I were quite surprised, but then we remembered that he owned a travel agency, no wonder he knew deep history. :P)
etc. etc.
If I knew it was about general knowledge of Holland, I would find as much info on the internet long before the quiz! :P But that was ok.. it was pretty fun. Besides, I couldn't really concentrate on the questions since one of the juries is absolutely adorable!!! I forgot his name, but I guess he's the Chinese blood, living in the Netherlands his whole life.


I got a CD of five Dutch songs, one of which I should choose for the singing competition, two weeks before. But lazy me always postponed to memorize the song I chose, Denk aan Mij (Think about me) by Marco Borsato. Only three days before I realised that I could not sing the song, though the mood was perfect with mine, cause the lyric is too long! I changed my mind to pick Leun op Mij (Lean on me) instead since it's shorter and pretty repetitive. STILL, I couldn't remember the lyrics!

When it was time to be on the stage and sing, I asked the juries if I could bring the text of the lyric, which was successfully denied by them (hihi.. still worth trying). So I did my best. I forgot three damn lines of the lyrics so I went like nanananana.... but I guess my vocal wasn't too bad. CAUSE THEY FORTUNATELY PICKED ME AS THE FIRST WINNER!!!!! Awwwwww!!!! Made me smile a lot at that time.. It wasn't really a fair competition, though.. I got only 5 other rivals.. hehe.. but it gave me SOMETHING anyway, so I won't start being so modest. I won a CD of compilation of Dutch songs, a T-shirt (everyone got it), a Dutch-Dutch dictionary (my first real Dutch dictionary after so long learning the language), a winner certificate signed by the Consulate and a ticket to Jakarta for the final in September.

Ok.. now.. why didn't anybody tell me that it was a SERIOUS cultural competition? I would have prepared more if I knew it was!
Maybe. Hihihi..


I've planned to have a photo session with my friends, Vitria, Shierly and Mariza since two weeks ago. But we just had the opportunity last Saturday. So they picked me up after the contest (it was held in the same building where Shierly works), and off we went to Shierly's apartment, after spending forever in Hero to buy some food for the weekend.

We were all tired, and me especially. So I postponed baking the brownies I promised Shierly to Sunday. Instead, we were just lazying and joking around. At 7, however, we started the photo session. Shierly and Vitria were a bit upset cause Veve was not there to do their makeup, so they had to do their best to ruin their face. Hehehe.. No, joking.. you looked fine, gals.

Here are some of the pictures:

Gorgeous Vitria.

The Adventurous Sexy Shierly. She sure looks much prettier in her early pregnancy. I think she's expecting a baby girl.

The funny thing is after all the photos and laughs (a lot of laughs, really.. Shierly was almost all the time trying to seduce Vitria, that it ruined the photos (blurry) cause either they moved, or I moved), Shierly felt it was such a waste if we didn't go clubbing after all the hard attempt on putting the makeup. So we did go with Arief, the four of us, to Desperados. The absence of Veve surely made that pregnant lady go crazy. We forbid her to drink alcohol, of course but still.. :D But since she was bribing us with the "I'll pay for everything" statement, we, the normal greedy people, agreed simultaneously. Hahaha...

On Sunday, Mariza came over with a roasted chicken (YAY, WE HAD FOOD!!!), and Emy, as well, to teach Shierly Japanese, so I got two more models (had to force Emy a bit, though. I told her I'd kick her out if she didn't want to be the model. hehe.. like I owned the apartment!!!).. After eating oh-so-much-food with the brownies as the desert, we started the photo session after midday! :D:D:D Mariza was playing hard (pretending that she changed her mind and just wanted to watch TV) and I felt like knocking her head. :P

Mariza.. She's actually not a shy person, and usually she is not shy in front of the camera. But she acted like it at that time. Bikin gemes ae. :))

Emy. She's soooooo skinny.. So I think this is the best picture to show her unique shape.

Anyone else would like to be my model? :D I'm not a pro. But I'm trying to learn.. with a borrowed camera. :P Until I can get my own someday.

Links to similar posts:
Gender by Shierly.
Am I Afraid of Men by Vitria.
What do I like most when I'm not too hungry but in need to chew something?
-- Peanuts

What do I hate most about it?
-- After I cut my nails very short, and Yendy kindly came to me with a bag of peanuts, which I can hardly open.

When you stop believing,
You’ll grieve for hours
Close your eyes and sink yourself under your pillows
Choose the comfortable safe deep darkness
Than facing a bright shiny eye-hurting light

When she stops believing,
She’s no longer the cheerful sun
She’s not the source of life and happiness
She’s dimming and transforming to a darker moon
That hardly helps enlighten the earth
Even hardly helps enlighten herself
Turning her smile into a frown
Turning her laugh into an anger
Turning her love into hatred
Turning her warm heart into a cold icy stone
Hard… still… steel… flat… frozen

When he stops believing
He builds the toughest highest well-based self-protection gate around him
Socializes but hardly gets involved
Friendly but hardly helpful
Charming but hardly happy
Smiling but almost crying
If only seen through his walls

When they stop believing
They’ll be as creative
As developing a theory of life
As forming strict borders and values
As building a new small community
Where they can be the ruler
Just to make sure everybody else has the same pain

When I stop believing
I’ll dig my own six feet hole
With my own ten fingers
Mixing the soil with my tears
Embracing the dough with my blood
Dedicating any sane mind of mine left
To concentrate on my last attempt
In burying my soft bloody heart
In the bottom of the darkness
To exchange it with the modernized one
That is stronger
Just cold enough
And hot enough
To set a holocaust of the whole revenge
To my enemies
Until they pay it
With the same amount of tears I shed
With the same amount of pain I suffer from

When we stop believing
It’ll just become a cycle that never ends
We realize and feel it yet we enjoy it
As I enjoy your face
When you fall down on your knees
Sinking in your own oceans of ripped heart.
Quoting Ella:

Let us kill all men in the world named Mark! Screw them all, cut off their d*** and throw them into the ocean!!! *lagi emosi ama someone named Mark juga*

It all leaves me to one single ultimate conclusion :
Never fall in love a Mark
Never have an affair, let alone sleep or make love with a Mark
Never put too high hopes with a Mark
and once and for all...
NEVER give your son the name MARK!
He'll be screwed and sucking all his lifetime!

*grrrrrr... masih emosi*

IN FACT, don't believe ANY online guys you meet on the internet! They're completely sucker, son-of-a-bitch, JERK!

They can claim that they're honest, but they're simply the biggest liars! They can complain how love is something rare in this world but they simply don't give a damn if it does EXIST! They can pretend that they're sweet to fool us but they wear those horns on their head, that we OF COURSE can't see just from the words they fuckin TYPE over internet!

Mark Mulder, the one I used to fuss about, is one of the example. He appeared so perfect at first. So adorable in our first chats. So full of hopes and promises. Yet, SO FUCKIN FAKE! After a while he got me dreaming about my perfect match (finally!) and lifted me up so high in the sky with his oh-so-sweet-vision about love and life, JUST to let me down with what-he-thinks-is-a-decent-way to dump a girl. Fine, he told me he was coming in May, but when May was just not yet over, he told me he hadn't got the money. THEN in early June, he told me he was coming in September, but NOT ONLY to Indonesia, but also to the Philipines and Thailand (South East Asia). So he's suddenly rich? Hello???

I've been wondering about this, and wondering if it was right for me to agree to meet him when he's here later in September. I was almost sure that he was coming for another girl somewhere in those countries he mentioned and now, in this supposedly-to-be-a-bright-shiny-lovely day, I FOUND OUT whom. No, he wasn't telling me whom. He wouldn't dare. But that's just the point, huh? HE WAS NOT HONEST!
And meeting me (before or after, I don't care) he meets that girl... Is that a way to compare which is better? Of course we have nothing special at the moment, NOT anymore after I wrote this poem. And no, I have no more feelings about him. BUT IT WAS JUST SO FUCKING ANNOYING, to find out that he was not what he hoped he appeared to me!

I'm NOT going to meet him. Not in September, not EVER. He doesn't even deserve to be a friend, as I thought he did (and that's why we were still talking!!).

I'm emotional right now, I know. And I know, too, that Marijn was right! I'm never going to be able to have an easy relationship cause I tend to hope. And hope is what hurts us the most when it's not fulfilled. I ALWAYS want to believe in eternal love, happy ending stories blah blah, but all facts are supporting Marijn's ideas that there was no such thing in this stupid wicked world, no matter how the people WANT the other people to see them as, and I'M STARTING TO BELIEVE IN HIM! It used to be the last thing I wanted to believe for I would surely lose myself if I didn't trust love and myself. But this Mark showed me so much how true Marijn's statement was.

I'm so sick of guys, I AM! Tell me I'm hypocrite cause I need them as much as I hate them. But I really am sick of MEN!

Fuck them all!