Negativity

The period before and during the first days a woman gets her period every month is sometimes filled with negativity. I don't get that often but when I do, I get a real bad one.

I've been very upset with Mr Boyfriend. As other girls may have experienced, the period of the period makes us very emotional and every small thing appears big and life is just full of drama. But this has started even before that period of the period. Anyway, I'm not going to go into details of what our problems are - or may I say MY problem since he doesn't seem like he feels it but I just feel..... lonely. And worse, neglected. Again, I may not be necessarily intentionally neglected, but that is what I've felt. I guess I just did not expect that he was a real hardworking person who would be willing to spend the entire day and night at the office than be with me doing the boring stuff like watching TV. I guess I did not expect that his concept of having fun with friends always involved so much alcohol and empty conversations till dawn or worse, morning. Empty here goes only for me since all those convos were in French. I guess I was being too individualist for having fed up with being ignored (or not involving myself) in the conversations that were mostly in French at dinners with his bosses and workmates and so I pulled myself away from it, came to an empty and cold bed and left him grab his own fun until the morning came. Seriously, I didn't give a damn if it happened once in a while. But I am frustrated that it's starting to become a habit. And oh how much I hate being a dramatic nagger. But should I shut up and keep it to myself until I get crazy? No, I just had to blurt it out at the worst timing and ruined everything. Maybe not everything but I feel like shit.

At these times, I'd like to run to friends, or whoever that would listen, but I just realised that I had made myself exclusive in my circle of friends this past couple of years. Who do I want to share things with except Pam and Fabio? The others may have forgotten my name and deleted my number from their list for having been idle and not in touch for so long.

Of course there's family. But my only family here in Bali - my sister Ita - has her own problem and worries. And the fact that we don't live close to each other makes it even worse to have a nice communication. I'd like to call my mother, but the last time we were on the phone she was upset with me for not supporting her financially as regularly as I did before due to the instability of the early stage of my photography business.

Negativity.... negativity it is when a woman has her period. Plus fucking situational occurrences. Plus fucking thieves.

Yeah, one of my motorbike mirrors was stolen today when I parked it in front of Fabio's house.

Such a perfect day.