Love Hurts

Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts
I'm young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing or two - I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

Some fools think of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
They're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts

[Love Hurts, The Everly Brothers]

Here I am.. alone again, as I always was. But now even more alone without any hold that someone I love cares about me anymore. *Sigh*

Remembering the old times.. how I used to insist so much to get a break of loving contact with my beloved one who could never give any promise or hope. Remembering how he used to insist not to break any contact as I wished, for - selfishly - he did not want to lose me. Remembering that we used to have so many emotional contacts and conversations with him struggling to keep his negative thoughts about love and relationship alive. Remembering how I used to explain him that I couldn't afford to be his real friend cause I could never hear anything about another girl if he found one later. Remembering that we always found a dead end in the argumentations; and left everything hanging in the air, with more winning scores in his side.

Now that it happened, as I predicted long before, as I sensed shortly before he admitted it - I was trapped again in my worst nightmare that had been haunting me for these past 8 months. No more discussion in his side to make me stay, as he always did before. Even a "don't bother about me anymore" request was what came out of his last lines.

180 degree.

Upside down.

So hard to keep me before, so easy to lose me in a blink of an eye.

What a miracle a sex can change you in a second.

I won't count what I did for him cause I did all for love. Sincerely. No return expected. Yet it was hard to send this apology email to Tom and Tina for cancelling my trip to Holland. Thanking them for all their help to get my visa through.

I hate myself for crying. Cause I should have expected this, cause this is not the first time, cause he doesn't deserve any single tear. But I'll get over it. I'm strong. As always. Though for now, no more trust in men. They're just good when they need something from you.