Fine Monday ..... ???

Listening to: Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang.

This is a fine Monday. My mother woke me up at about 5 a.m. as usual, asking me if I was better from my sore eyes and if I went to teach. I answered no, and continued sleeping. I was chatting with the mischievous love in the middle of the night to 2:30 and he suggested me to take a Bleidag to rest my eyes. I agreed to take a break in teaching, so I sorta enjoyed the relaxing morning.. until Michelle cried loudly when she was bathed.

I woke up and remembered that I promised to bake some brownies for Michelle's one month old celebration and A Lung's birthday. I bought some kacang mede and Blue Band the day before so I prepared all the needed ingredients and started working. Baking was always fun. I finished it just in time before leaving for work and brought with me some chocolate snack A Lung brought from Tarakan to share with my beloved colleagues.

Target of last month could be handled very well at last and I was a bit relieved. So the day went by smoothly, until I got 5 emails from Rusty containing summaries of my old emails I sent him when we were still together [yeah he was trying to make me remember our old happy times].

1st email received. Oh..
2nd at 3 minutes later. OK..
3rd at the seventh minute after. Well..
4th coming up shortly afterwards. Getting pissed off..
5th. Losing patience!

I replied the 5th email with a short one:
Could you please stop it??? It's annoying.

Veve was urging me to go for dinner at just the same moment, so I left my computer and tried to get some fresh air in my lungs to cool me down.

Back from dinner, 3 new emails were awaiting. All from him. The first two were alright. But the third one just made me really cross! He went crazy saying that I did all the shitty things to him and I should stop being mean coz all he meant was for good. He cursed, prescribed good logical love tricks that I should do; i.e. find a better man as any other smart girls would do, and told me that I should be just much nicer to the people who love me.

I took a whole deep heavy breath and inquired myself not to answer that email at the very moment; instead getting Veve and Shierly into a personal conference, digging second and third opinions about this sensitive matter. A half an hour later I made up my mind what I should tell him, trying to be less emotional and collected, I sent an email back to him; asking him politely to apply those "suggestion" he generously gave me to himself. I told him I appreciated everything he did but at the same time reminded him that it was already a then. It was beautiful alright, and I never meant to forget everything we'd been through, but even if I don't get the love I wanted from the man I love right now, I still can't get back to him. What is a relationship without love from both sides? It's a feeling that matters, right?

20:30 he seemed to get home already and sent me a message through yahoo messenger, making up a scene that he didn't love me anymore and that he already had a girl friend (also from Surabaya) named Ida.

Good thing actually. But what the hell has he been doing these past three months getting me back to him? Well I didn't argue then. It's good that he tried to save his face that way (no matter if the girl really exists or not), at least I didn't have to provide more reasons to make him understand that the feeling is not there anymore.

I should also tell myself the same thing concerning my vague "friendship" with the cutie somewhere in this earth. But I don't wanna bother cause I don't bother him with this status issue at the moment. Besides, I promised to be a good friend for him; and if my love has to be a one-sided love, I'll let it be. When it's time to change, I'll know.

Now he's gone I don't know why
And till this day sometimes I cry
He didn't say goodbye he didn't take the time to lie
Bang Bang..


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